Sudden and unexpected outbursts of anger that you didn't expect - this could be Narcissistic Rage.

Narcissists can't be sweet and nice for long, they have to pretend to be nice. Actually, they would like to verbally show off all day long and humiliate, insult and blame others. But since they also want to be the “good guys” because they aren’t really that, they try to hide their tendency to violence and rage for as long as possible. Most narcissists do that, especially covert narcissists.

It's not easy to please others, nor should we, but pleasing a narcissist is almost impossible. So you can calmly let go of any feelings of inadequacy or self-worthlessness. Even if the narcissist insults you and accuses you of saying that everything that ever went wrong in his life was your fault, it's just bullshit or blabbering. Manipulative talk and gaslighting are designed to keep you hooked into demeaning yourself from the narcissist's perspective so that you are always available to him or her.

If the narcissist suddenly freaks out and wants to use you as a lightning rod, then that's his business. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie or has been twisted beyond recognition. Narcissists don't tell the truth, they're just good at selling us their tall tales because they're masters of distortion and gaslighting. They use one tiny true detail, which they wrap with lots of lies, so that what they say looks true. But believe me, that's not the case.

Angry narcissists are not entirely harmless and certainly not honest. It's best to move away as quickly as possible without taking the talking, shouting, or anything like that personally. If you were to get angry or put yourself down because of his yelling, that would make the narcissist very happy in the short term, but we’re not doing him that favor.

Sometimes there are signs of the narcissist's future unraveling. They often become briefly annoyed, but then switch back to feigned friendliness. It varies from person to person, of course, but you can sometimes see the narcissist's hot temper gradually increase. But just at the moment when he's acting "normal" and you do or say a tiny little thing that isn't 100% in his spirit, the narcissist explodes. With extremely inappropriate exaggeration, he immediately begins to accuse, insult and devalue you. Any reaction to the egomaniacal freakout only makes it worse. Everything you say is used against you. So you have no other option than to leave the room.

Narcissists don't really like harmony. They crave conflict, and if you let them trigger you, the freakout could turn into a long, heated discussion or argument.

However, there are also narcissists who freak out when you leave the room because they behave negatively, but that is their own problem. You can't please them anyway.

Be the wiser person!

Things to know about "Narcissistic Rage"

Narcissistic rage is a term used to describe intense, angry outbursts or emotional reactions exhibited by individuals with narcissistic personality traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This phenomenon occurs when the narcissist perceives a threat to their self-esteem, self-worth, or grandiose self-image. It is important to note that not all individuals with narcissistic traits display narcissistic rage, and the severity of such reactions can vary.

Key features of narcissistic rage include:

1. Overreaction to Perceived Threats: Narcissistic individuals often have fragile self-esteem and a hypersensitivity to criticism or perceived slights. When they feel criticized, rejected, or challenged, they may respond with an intense and disproportionate emotional reaction.
2. Explosive Anger: The rage associated with narcissistic individuals can manifest as explosive anger, tantrums, yelling, or even physical aggression. This intense emotional response is an attempt to regain a sense of control and superiority.
3. Lack of Empathy: During a narcissistic rage episode, individuals may become completely absorbed in their own emotions, disregarding the feelings and perspectives of others. This lack of empathy further fuels their need to protect their self-image at any cost.
4. Projection: Narcissists often project their own insecurities onto others, blaming them for the narcissistic injury. They may accuse others of being jealous, disrespectful, or inferior as a way to deflect attention from their own perceived flaws.
5. Impaired Judgment: In the midst of narcissistic rage, individuals may display impaired judgment and engage in impulsive behavior. This can include making irrational decisions, saying hurtful things, or taking actions that harm relationships.
6. Gaslighting at its “best”: Narcissistic rage seems to bring out the most: Narcissistic Rage seems to cause narcissists to engage in extreme twisting and lying. Even if they are normally dishonest, when they are angry they become true masters of distortion. Verbal manipulation just bursts out of them and they are trying to sell this false reality to you using more and more manipulative tactics.
7. Denial: After the rage episode subsides, some individuals with narcissistic traits may experience remorse or guilt. However, most may deny their behavior, rationalize it, or place blame on external factors or the individuals they lashed out against.

Understanding narcissistic rage is crucial for those who interact with individuals with narcissistic traits, as it can help manage and navigate challenging interpersonal dynamics. It is important to establish healthy boundaries, practice self-care, and seek professional support when dealing with the complexities of relationships involving narcissistic individuals.

Narcissists view others as tools rather than complete individuals. They categorize people as either "amazing" if their desires are fulfilled, or "bad" if not. Their perception is often binary, lacking nuances or shades of gray.

Viewing life in a dualistic way is a very limited philosophy. Things are not just black and white. There are many shades of color to everything you experience. Even if you look at things that you would classify as "negative" at first glance, there is always a positive side somewhere. At the same time, things and situations that you would see as "positive" automatically have a "downside". This is a side effect of polarity. Nobody is just good or just bad.

When we look at things neutrally, we see the many shades of everything without having to judge them. All people have so-called positive and negative characteristics - the power lies in balance. However, narcissists cannot see this. It is important not to take them at their word and to recognize that "narcissistic splitting" is an inadequate way of looking at an individual that lacks any truth. People who only use others for their own purposes only use evaluations and devaluations or "useful and useless" as a method of manipulation. That doesn't say anything about you at all, it just says that the narcissist is demonstrating a very limited perspective. As a child, you obviously don't understand something like that, but it's important for adults to recognize narcissistic manipulation methods in order to get out of the game and set a good example for others.

About “Narcissistic Splitting”

"Narcissistic splitting" refers to a defense mechanism commonly observed in individuals with narcissistic personality traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It involves viewing people, situations, or even oneself as either all good or all bad, with little room for nuance or complexity. This black-and-white thinking can lead to distorted perceptions, erratic behavior, and difficulties in maintaining stable relationships.

In narcissistic splitting, individuals may idealize certain people or aspects of themselves while devaluing or demonizing others. For example, they might idolize someone they admire one moment, only to vilify them the next over minor disagreements or perceived slights. Similarly, they may alternate between seeing themselves as flawless and faultless to feeling worthless and inadequate, often depending on external validation.

Dealing with narcissistic splitting can be challenging, but there are some strategies that may help:

1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from being pulled into the individual's extreme judgments or manipulative behaviors. Recognize that you cannot change their thinking, but you can control how you respond to it.
2. Maintain Perspective: Remember that the individual's extreme views are a reflection of their internal struggles and insecurities, rather than an accurate portrayal of reality. Try not to take their fluctuating opinions personally.
3. Avoid Reactivity: Narcissistic individuals may provoke reactions to fuel their sense of power and control. Practice emotional regulation and refrain from engaging in heated arguments or defensive responses.
4. Practice Empathy: While it's important to protect yourself, try to understand the underlying reasons for the individual's behavior. Empathy doesn't mean condoning their actions, but it can help you approach interactions with more compassion and patience. And even more important: Practice empathy for yourself. Then you become independent of other people’s judgements
5. Seek Support: Dealing with someone who exhibits narcissistic splitting can be emotionally draining. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support and guidance in managing your own well-being.
6. Encourage Accountability: If appropriate and safe to do so, gently challenge the individual's extreme views and encourage them to consider alternative perspectives. However, be prepared for resistance or deflection.
7. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your own self-care and well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, maintain healthy boundaries, and prioritize relationships with individuals who respect and validate your experiences.

It's important to recognize that addressing narcissistic splitting often requires patience, understanding, and consistent self-care. In some cases, professional intervention may be necessary, particularly if the individual's behavior is causing significant distress or harm to themselves or others.

You don't have to make yourself small

You don't need to crawl, you don't need to beg, you don't need a muzzle, you don't need people trying to pack you into a mini box for you to shrink into.

You don't need screamers who can't communicate properly. You don't need

bad-tempered grumpies who don't begrudge you your joy.

You need you. The true you.

You need you big, you need you strong, you need you bright, you need you smart, you need you empathetic, you need you wise.

So grow back into your bright true presence.

You're worth it.

An’anasha

The steps that are leading to your highest potential can be summarized into "The way out is the way through!". Everything you have experienced so far is a step towards your highest potential. It is super important not to skip the crucial steps into healing yourself.

1.) Recognize

We begin to realize that something is wrong in the relationships. Now we notice that the processes and dynamics in the family or partnership are not healthy and not normal.

2.) Inform

We begin to educate ourselves about narcissistic abuse and gather clues. Fortunately, today we have the opportunity to find a lot of information about toxic relationships and narcissism on the Internet. We can learn that not everything is “our fault” and also that we are NOT the problem, contrary to what narcissistic people claim.

3.) Declutter

Family, partnerships and friendships are examined. We are asked to finally "clean out" properly in order to remove, as far as possible, things and people that do not serve our highest good from our lives. We cannot heal if we continue to surround ourselves with toxic aspects. Of course you can't separate yourself from everyone, but you should set clear boundaries and maintain them. There is a lot to consider here.

4.) Physical Healing

Narcissistic abuse leaves its mark because it exploits our bodies and our psyche. Many of us find ourselves in physical, psychological and energetic burnout. There are typical areas of illness that occur in connection with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, including migraines, muscle tension, burnout (already mentioned), fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, asthma, arthritis, digestive disorders, etc.

5.) The Inner work

The inner work is super important for healing trauma. Shadow work, work with the inner child, forgiveness, joining the dots and therapeutic methods offer us the opportunity to regain our strength. The detoxification of the body and soul should also be taken into account and included in the healing. It is essential to implement this step. Working with our energy field and the quantum field is particularly important.

6.) The Relationship with Ourselves

We want to become our best friend and our best partner: This is the only way we can be completely independent and free from others. Emotional freedom and independence is the path to fulfilling relationships of all kinds.

7.) Divine Design



When we have done the most important inner work, accepted ourselves again and prioritized, we come back into contact with our higher purpose and who we are meant to be. We now know that we finally want to be who we really are again. Now we are ready to develop our full higher potential. We are on the journey of self-expression. We can learn to thrive, enjoy our lives and be Goddess/Master of our lives.

The “Drama Triangle” and “Empowerment Triangle” are frameworks used to understand social interactions and relationships.

The “Drama Triangle” is a model of dysfunctional social interaction that consists of three roles:

victim, persecutor & rescuer

These roles are played out when people engage in unhealthy and unproductive communication patterns.

The “Empowerment Triangle” is an alternative model that emphasizes three roles:

creator, coach & challenger

These roles promote healthy and productive communication patterns by empowering individuals to take responsibility for their actions, while also providing support and guidance.

The Empowerment Triangle is a more positive and effective way of interacting with others, as it encourages personal growth and development.

As toxic people cannot tolerate or accept all people as equal they create separation and divide amongst others. They’re telling lies that others might have said about the victim taking things out of context in order to create conflict and divide amongst the two parties they’ve created. The toxic person’s goal is to be the only one to control the entire system without others noticing it to keep their hands clean when they aren’t.

Triangulation in toxic relationships is a destructive dynamic that can lead to emotional turmoil and lasting scars for those involved. It's a manipulation tactic where one person (often the toxic individual) strategically involves a third party to create confusion, jealousy, or insecurity within the relationship. This triangulation can manifest in various ways, such as seeking the attention of an ex-partner, comparing their current partner to someone else, or even enlisting a friend or family member to mediate conflicts.

5 Key aspects to understand about triangulation in toxic relationships:

1. Undermining Trust: Triangulation erodes trust within the relationship by introducing doubts and suspicions. When one partner consistently involves others in their problems or complaints, it can make the other feel like they are constantly being judged or evaluated.
2. Emotional Manipulation: The toxic individual uses triangulation as a means of control. By making their partner feel inadequate or insecure, they gain power and control over the relationship. The fear of losing their partner to someone else keeps the victim in a state of anxiety and submission.
3. Isolation: Triangulation often isolates the victim, making them feel like they can't confide in friends or family because they might be judged or misunderstood. This isolation can make it even more challenging to break free from the toxic relationship.
4. Cycle of Abuse: Triangulation is a part of a broader cycle of emotional abuse that includes love-bombing, devaluation, and discard phases. The victim is repeatedly subjected to a rollercoaster of emotions, making it difficult to leave the relationship.
5. The Drama Triangle:The drama triangle is a social model that describes dysfunctional and conflict-driven interactions among individuals. It consists of three roles: the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer. In this dynamic, individuals often switch between these roles, perpetuating a cycle of conflict and drama within relationships or group settings.

Each triangulation system makes use of the victim-persecutor-rescuer triangle. The toxic individual wants to control the system. They therefore jump between all three roles victim-persecutor-rescuer in order to hide their agenda.

• They’re using the scapegoat - usually the person who is alone or who is the most sensitive - to become an “unwanted” party nobody approves of.
• They’re also using the “golden child” or the “flying monkeys” - people they approve of being able to do the toxic person’s dirty work - to create conflict, confusion, separation and divide amongst the two parties.

The scapegoat is supposed to become the isolated victim - easy to control. The “flying monkeys” are supposed to create misunderstandings, smear campaigns or arguments to attack the scapegoat.

It is not always clear in the first place who’s the victim here or who’s the persecutor. Fact is that the toxic person jumps between all roles to hide their agenda. The scapegoat is the actual victim, the “flying monkeys” are playing the role of the persecutor, so that the toxic person is able to play the “rescuer” off the hook.

Sometimes it is obvious that they’re the actual persecutor, because toxic people aren’t able to simulate the nice guy for long. Then they can be seen as the persecutor while the “flying monkeys” become the rescuers for a short time.

Interestingly - or not - the toxic person will always try to convince everyone of the scapegoat being the persecutor. Toxic people are expert in this scheming, so that most people don’t get it and tend to join the toxic game.

Tips that can help you once you’ve recognized triangulation is going on in your relationship or family

Seeking Help: Recognizing triangulation and seeking help or support from a therapist, counselor, or support group can be crucial for the victim's well-being. Therapy can help victims regain their self-esteem, identify toxic patterns, and develop the strength to leave the relationship if necessary.

a.) Establishing Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries with the toxic individual is essential. Boundaries help protect one's emotional well-being and prevent further manipulation. However, it's important to note that the toxic person may resist these boundaries and escalate their tactics in response.

b.) Ending the Relationship: In many cases, the only way to break free from the toxic cycle of triangulation is to end the relationship. Leaving a toxic relationship can be challenging, but it's often the healthiest choice for one's mental and emotional well-being.

In conclusion, triangulation is a harmful tactic used in toxic relationships to manipulate and control the victim. Recognizing this dynamic and seeking help and support are crucial steps toward breaking free from the cycle of abuse and creating a healthier, more fulfilling life.